I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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