i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
