I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
