I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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