They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
