i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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