Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she pinky promised me she was 18
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I forget how to act sober
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
