2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
