***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
