I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Vodka?
Forever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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