Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
