he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
