Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
