I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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