Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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