whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
