Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
