You really coming over, don't trick.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i think im in europe. pls send help
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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