some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
