So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
