Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
