I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
