I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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