and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
