Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
