We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
