that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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