You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
