Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just forgot I was standing up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
