Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
