go do what you do best...puke behind churches
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
