I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
