remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
