So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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