Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
