i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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