used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Still dying that you shit outside
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
