OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
