i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
