3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
50% drunk capacity currently
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
