His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
