Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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