So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
