Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize