the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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