tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize