Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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