The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
