We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
