You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
