This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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