Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
