when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
