so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
