What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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