Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
