Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
