I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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