I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
