3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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