I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
