It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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