We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
