Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
