i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
