Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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