Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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