Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
this is an emotional support booty call
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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