Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
